You’ll find me in the next life
if not in this one.

e-vaporate:

[laineylamonto]

I think of you a lot less these days but I still really miss you the idea of you sometimes.

You are beautiful. You are amazing.
You were worth every second.

No matter how much I may hate the things you choose (and do not choose, for that matter) these things will always be true.

That stain you left on my mattress doesn’t make me sad anymore. Sometimes when I pull the sheets back I just laugh. It really does look like I pissed my bed, you know. Thanks for that. Either way…it’s this tiny little proof that at some point in this life it wasn’t just singular you…and it wasn’t just singular me, for a few moments in time we were a unanimous we….and baby, we combined beautifully. I swam around inside of you then danced in your afterglow.
I once made it through a whole night, cozily nestled into the space between your hips. I traced that tattoo on your ribcage with my fingertips and I couldn’t help but smile … even though I knew that those stupid words were for someone else. I scribbled some words on paper one morning while I watched you sleep.
So yeah, it doesn’t make me sad anymore…it kinda makes me laugh.
I’ve always been so dead set on having you for some version of forever…as though those nights weren’t enough.
But lately…I think I’m starting to understand things a little more.
Sometimes a moment is enough.
Sometimes it has to be enough.
And sometimes…when you aren’t looking, it’s so much more.

Sometimes late at night when she settles into a conversation, she sounds just like you.
It took me a while to notice it, but eventually I caught myself holding my breath, waiting for her to call me her queen.

There are parts of you buried so deep inside of who I am that I fear I may never really rid myself of you.